Nickname: C.W.

Age: 20

City: London, UK

Top 5 Favorite Albums:

I could never pick a top five of all-time. It’s just too difficult. For the moment it’s:

Calling Out Of Context – Arthur Russell

Haha Sound – Broadcast

Loveless – My Bloody Valentine

Rifts – Oneohtrix Point Never

Kimono My House – Sparks

If you had a kid, what would be the first song you played for it?

Well, should I have a kid, I’d start playing it stuff while in my womb. I’d be playing pretty deep stuff…educating my child on music would be very important to me. I think I’d be pretty disappointed if he or she were not of a musical disposition. I think William Basinski’s d|p 4 or John Cage’s 4’33″ would be good starting points.

What band would play at your ideal wedding?

Oh man…Devo, I think. First dance would be Mongoloid, obviously. Insurance would be Animal Collective. Everyone loves AnCo. My mum probably loves AnCo.

What decade are you most nostalgic for and why?

Hmm. I’m nostalgic for various decades musically – the 60′s for yé-yé and early electronics, the 70′s for Fleetwood Mac and guys like that, the 80′s for italo-disco, the 90′s for shoegaze and grunge. Stylistically I’d say the 90′s, overall.

What’s your favorite venue?

The Luminaire in Kilburn, London. I prefer really intimate shows, and it’s great for that.

What qualities do you possess that would make you an ideal hipster wife?

Well, I fit the typical bill – I’m vegan (one that doesn’t really care about what you eat, though, as long as you respect me), can bake, craft, drink as much as you etc. According to friends I am just like the film stock character ‘Manic Pixie Dream Girl’ – hipster dudes totally love that, right? Means I have ‘eccentric personality quirks’ and I’m ‘unabashedly girlish’ (the latter is totally true; I wear dresses every day of my life and have a collection of 150+).

What do you look for in a potential hipster husband?

Well, I always like a guy to be taller than me (I’m 5’4′). So they’d have to be taller. Doesn’t matter how much more, just…taller. I’m not into guys that spend tons of time on their appearance – the natural and scruffy look is tons better. Someone into left-wing politics would be good. And loving all kinds of music and being able to talk about it for hours is a given. It’d be nice if he wasn’t too aware of his hipsterdom, either, and wouldn’t try living up to it.

by CMRYTZ

We don’t know about you guys, but summer is by far one of the best seasons ever. Well, as long as you have something to do, besides scratch your balls and play X-Box in your parent’s basement. Some of us are working, some of us are taking classes, but we all have something in common: getting drunk. Here at Hipster Wife Hunting, we’ve decided to lend a hand and tell you what’s good every week, NATIONWIDE. Take a look-see and check out what’s going on in your city this week!

if you’re in LOS ANGELES…

from lookbook.nu

Our dudes at FMLY are always cooking up something, and this week they’ve got a ton of stuff, as per usu.  Somehow, they got their hands on a shortbus for their constant going-ons. FMLY is throwing a fundraiser to get new plates and insurance for their new lovebug (bus) on Thursday, June 24th. You can expect acts like Professor Calculus, Romulus, DJDT and more over at McWorld (5011 W. Adams Blvd), and of course, a pretty cray cray time.
RSVP here

Saturday, June 26,  you can catch A Place to Bury Strangers, Light Pollution and Useless Keys in Silverlake. They’re playing at Spaceland (1717 Silverlake Blvd) and tickets are $12. That day you can also check out Hoodstock LA at McWorld, which sounds awesome and a long day of good music, ice cream and art.

if you’re in CHICAGO…

from lookbook.nu

We really wish we were in Chicago for this one. But you are, so you should go and tell us how much fun you had. Mates of State and Free Energy are playing Tuesday, June 22nd at Lincoln Hall (2424 N Lincoln Ave) for $20. Pricey, but probably going to be the only thing to tide you over ’til Pitchfork explodes all over your face later this summer.

There are also some pretty choice shows for you to select from this weekend. Turbo Fruits, Shellshag and Bird Talk are playing Schubas (3159 N. Southport) on Saturday, June 26th. Same night, old favorite, Maps & Atlases, and new favorite, Fang Island, are playing  Subterranean (2011 North Avenue).

if you’re in NEW YORK CITY…

from lookbook.nu

As usual, there are twenty-five thousand things to do in New York. But, on Thursday, June 24th, after you get out of the 3-block-long line for the new iPhone, or just out of bed, you NEED to go to Psychadelic Summer. Our friend and master of parties, Seattle-based artist CMRTYZ is curating what might be the kick-off party of the summer.

Head over to the RARE Gallery (547 W 27 Street, Manhattan)  ’round 5 PM to check out the opening of a month-long pop-up record store with merch from local favorites like Captured Tracks, Family Time, Floridas Dying, HoZac and more. Don’t start drooling yet, our friends The Beets along with super-great The Babies will also be playing on the rooftop. THERE’S MORE. Alongside all this amazing-ness is a group show with work from our boy CMRTYZ along with Cassie Ramone, John Malta and Matthew Volz.
RSVP here

Later on that weekend is a veritable shitshow of shows to choose from. New Brooklyn and HWH favorite, Selebrities, will be rocking a show with Life Size Maps at the Delancey (168 Delancey Street, Manhattan) on Friday, June 25th, doors at 8:30. More details here.

Don’t forget about Northside Fest, which is basically a really cheap and awesome Brooklyn version of SXSW. But you can catch best of the rest at Death by Audio (49 S. 2nd St., Brooklyn) on Saturday, June 26th. Total Slacker will be playing along with Coasting, Frankie and the Outs and more. Doors at 8 PM, more details here.

Help! We need contributors from more cities to help beef up our BEST SUMMER EVER guides. If you’re in Austin, Chicago, Seattle, Portland, Charleston,  Toronto, Charlotte, Kansas City, San Fransisco or any place that has some great stuff going on, help us out. Drop our content & feature editor, Audrey, a line at audrey [at] hipsterwifehunting [dot] com. Anything from a press release to a Facebook invite is golden to us.

In the meantime…you have permission to start enjoying THE BEST SUMMER EVER.

hipster girl on a bike – m4w – 33 (williamsburg)

“You- early twenties (probably), riding down the street on your trendy single gear bike. You have a tattoo of something inane, like a cupcake or some sort of “vintage” something or other; dyed hair, really tight jeans (how do you ride a bike with those things?) a big carabiner jangling off your pocket with more keys on it than my super has and you could possibly need, and a messenger bag that is totally full. Lets have a pbr sometime?”

Spotted a lonely hipster in need of some internet help? Send your favorite hipster Missed Connections to hunter [at] hipsterwifehunting [dot] com!

from lookatthisfuckinghipster.com

Dear Audrey,

I consider myself a bro, however I’m oddly attracted to the hipster girl. I very much love being a bro. I love my frat, playing lacrosse, Brooks Brothers, all shitty beers except PBR, duck hunting, The Preakness,and my new investment banking job. Obviously my tastes very much clash with whatever hipsters spend all their time on. But I do admire their cynicism & contrived irreverence, qualities that all the sorority girls I’ve been with have very much lacked.

Despite this obstacle, I’d like to try something different in my dating life; and piss off my mother. I have my eye one particular hipster chick. This girl’s a complete dimepiece and happens to be a hipster. I see her at shows every once and a while. Although she’s sexy as hell, I’ve been reluctant to make a pass on the assumption that my frat game will quickly turn her stomach. Not to sound conceited, but I’ve never really had a hard time with girls. So my question is this: given my short background, what would be the best way to approach this little filly? And second, I pretty sure I could put up with her hipster shenanigans, but can hipster girls put up with preppy ex jocks that love frating out everyone once and a while?

Best regards,

King Bro

Well, King Bro, Your Highness, I must say, it’s an honor to be in touch with such royalty. Does this make me Princess of the Hipsters, or just a Brooklyn ambassador? You can call me Her Flyness for short.

JOKING.

This is kind of easy and hard at the same time, if that makes any sense. In general, it really does depend on the girl, but look: you seem to have your shit together, a general quality that 99.9% of hipster boys are lacking. That’s appealing in and of itself, but when it gets down to it, we just want to bond over Kurt Vonnegut, make out to Sleigh Bells and drink Jameson on the rocks. The only difference between us and your old non-hipster conquests, in the end, is taste. Girls are girls. This one just likes lace-up lariat boots over Uggs, and Nick Drake over Drake.

You’re probably a douchebag, but be a nice one. Keep up with her cultural references, ask some of your hipster friends to make you mixtapes of good  music, read the news, don’t wear running shoes with jeans. Avoid talking about your frat too much. Be self-deprecating about it. You guys are both part of hilarious subcultures, embrace it! Appeal to her narcissism and talk about her, buy her a drink, get to know her, blah, blah, blah.

Still, dude, be you.  If she’s not going to like you for you, that girl is a gold-digging hoe. You’re only going to piss your mom off when she has to send you to rehab for a broken heart….and maybe a new-found heroin habit. Proceed with caution and my advice, and you should be golden…with a cute hipster wife to boot!

xoxo,

Her Flyness, Miss Audrey JAPburn

P.S. I was half-joking about the Her Flyness part. Feel free to use that.
P.P.S. As much as you want.

Her Flyness will answer your deepest, darkest questions about life, love and the female hipster specimen with a simple e-mail to audrey [at] hipsterwifehunting [dot] com.

Top 5 Favorite Albums:

1) Al Green Gets Next To You –Al Green
2) Getz/Gilberto –Stan Getz and Joao Gilberto
3) Djangology –Django Reinhardt
4) Odessey and Oracle — The Zombies
5) Woahranoutofroomeverybodysqueeze: Ys –Joanna Newsom / Along the River Strumming –Cotton Jones / Some Loud Thunder –Clap Your Hands Say Yeah / Self Titled — The Velvet Underground

What band would play at your ideal wedding?

Pshh please, Mildred Bailey and her orchestra. I would have Dinah Washington on standby in case Mildred’s no good ex husband (who also happens to play the xylophone in said orchestra) is late but would make sure she knew that she was to sing “When I fall in Love” and none of this nonsense about never being loved and being born to be blue.

If you had a kid, what would be the first song you played for it?

You say first, I say three: “The Girl from Ipanema,” “Pennies in Heaven,” or “Amazing Grace” because of tradition I guess (these are the songs my Mom and Dad sang to me)

What decade are you most nostalgic for and why?

I am nostalgic for no decade. Why? Because I am located on the Starship Enterprise, whenever I sense this “nostalgia” you beings speak of I simply skip off to the simulation deck to participate in whatever decade I should please. But probably the 20′s, 60′s, or 70′s.

What’s your favorite venue?

I don’t ask much from my venues. I like most of them but especially Death by Audio or Woods. But you know what I don’t like? People stepping on my face. Stop it. Seriously, I get the music is awesome but I just want to dance and watch people smoke inside–I don’t need any more brawls in my life.

What qualities do you possess that would make you an ideal hipster wife?

I will give you five good reasons:

1) It’s like jazz when I make vegan muffins!
2) High Waisted all the time
3) Looking for a little ukulele/banjo/guitar action? Look under my bed.
4) I almost always match plaid
5) I won’t tell anyone your glasses aren’t real

What do you look for in a potential hipster husband?

I want someone to fall asleep to “This American Life” with (or Radiolab–I am quite multi-cultured afterall), someone who can put up with a lot of schtick/vaudeville re-enactments, and cue the music if I ever need to tap dance out of a conversation. Also please don’t cut me with your beard–again…

What is the most embarrassing song you have stuck in your head right now?

All the food is poisoned! All the food is poisoned!*

*(Youtube it if you wanna get it stuck in your head too)

We really can’t contain ourselves anymore, we’re just too excited for this one. It’s our first show here in Brooklyn and, man, this is one hell of a way to kick off this summer. The freshest boys on our block, FMLY and Breakfast of Champs Records, will be walking us down the aisle to party paradise. The Bonerz Girls will be taking pictures, and there will be babes abound — so look sharp, ’cause we’ll knock off three dollars for admission if you do. Besides this being our debut, we’re also really excited to announce that this will be a tape release party for our BFFs WEEKENDS and Total Slacker, as well as our girl Emily Reo. The cherry on top? We’ve got Brooklyn’s finest, Beach Fossils, to do a little DJ set for us.

Come on out on Saturday, sign the guest book. You’ll get to meet some of our best pin-ups, along with The Hunter and yours truly. We’ll have shirts for sale, too! Don’t forget to give Phillip Seymour Hoffman a good-bye kiss– he’s headed off on his own little European honeymoon.

This is going to be a banger, so get on your best get-up and get out to Shea Stadium this Saturday, May 22nd.

xoxo,

Audrey JAPburn

RSVP for our party on Facebook here.
Read FMLY’s write-up of our party, along with some new tracks from our bands here.

Oh my GOD, can you believe it?

WE’RE ENGAGED.

This is the moment that every girl, er, blog, waits for their entire…okay, okay. Let’s get down and dirty. We’re joining forces with the super-brilliant, super-cute FMLY to throw ourselves a wedding reception worthy of flower tossing, cake mashing and garter throwing. Photographers galore, good tunes abound, and more hipster wives than you can shake a stick at!

You are cordially invited to our FMLY affair, May 22nd in Brooklyn, NY. The party is at Shea Stadium at 20 Meadow St. Our friends, WEEKENDS, Emily Reo, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Total Slacker, Truman Peyote, Dark Sea of Awareness and more are coming to ring in our new lives together. It starts at 8 PM and is right off the Grand Street stop on the L Train. You can RSVP on Facebook here, and don’t forget: if you come gussied up, we’ll knock a few bones off the admission price.

We’ve thrown together a celebratory mixtape so that all of our readers can take a good gander at who’ll be joining us in kicking off the summer — and the rest of our lives together. Come help us put a ring on it: to have and to hold, til drunk do us part.

There’s more to come, so keep your eyes peeled. For now, you can download a mixtape of the artists who will be playing at our show here.

Tracklist:
Philip Seymour Hoffman- Duckfangs Tickle My Ankles
Philip Seymour Hoffman- Everything in My Cupboards is Moldy
Truman Peyote- Beantown
Truman Peyote- New Wife, New Life
Dark Sea of Awareness- Son of Man
Total Slacker- Magical Date Night
Total Slacker- Crystal Necklace
Emily Reo- Witch Mtn
WEEKENDS- Raingirl
WEEKENDS- Peer History

Age: 22

City: Roseville, MI

Top 5 Favorite Albums:

The Mars Volta – De-Loused In The Comatorium
Portugal. The Man – Waiter! You Vultures
Blockhead – Uncle Tony’s Coloring Book
A Tribe Called Quest – Anthology
The Tiny – Closer
(The idea of picking favorites kills me by the way. There is too much great music to slim down to just five.)

What band would play at your ideal wedding?

The Beatles. I’m dead serious; who else can do every genre of music and still maintain a consistent identifiable sound? Preferably I would want to hear a lot from Help! and Hard Days Night early in the evening, then progress chronologically. There’s something so endearing about the thought of John and Paul crooning “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” as I take my first dance with my love.

If you had a kid, what would be the first song you played for it?

Bringing a being into this world is not very high on my list of things to do, however if I ever do go down that road I’d play that child “Music Is Happiness” by The Octopus Project. I think a little one would have a good time bouncing off the walls with that on.

What decade are you most nostalgic for and why?

I don’t get nostalgic for time periods I wasn’t alive for (how can you if you weren’t there?), though I do recall enjoying the 90s. A much simpler time, when MTV still played music videos.

What’s your favorite venue?

It’s a toss up between club FT’s (a dive a few blocks from my place) and St. Andrew’s Hall in Detroit. No, I take it back, St. Andy’s wins forever. It’s dirty and intimate, they’ve got a huge beer list, and I’ve seen so many great shows there.

What qualities do you possess that would make you an ideal hipster wife?

Not that I won’t accept a PBR, but I am really into microbrews. I enjoy a beer with a complex flavor that invites pairing with a bloody burger.
I have a bad potty mouth and smoke too much.
Also I enjoy doing all those crafty things that hipsters do, like sewing my own threads and I make weird little construction paper greeting cards.
Of course I really enjoy cooking and baking, it’s a woman thing right? I would love to have someone to cook for.
I am also an avid disc golfer and bicycle enthusiast.

What do you look for in a potential hipster husband?

Capable of dressing himself for any occasion. Skinny is a must, muscles kinda gross me out.
Outside of the aesthetic, I want someone that speaks my language. Appreciates the small things, like how green the grass is just before it rains.
I go through cycles of being extremely social and other times when all I do is sit home and read Vonnegut, so my other half has to be able to keep up with me while I’m drinking the night away, but have his own hombody-ish mannerisms.
He should appreciate quirks about me, like my disdain for wearing shoes and have some of his own.
Eat meat. Dear god I can’t deal with a man that won’t eat bacon or steak.
Active listener, passionate lover, skillful debater.

Nickname:  Mish
Age: 33
City: Brooklyn, NY

Top 5 Favorite Albums:
Velvet Underground- Peel Slowly and See
Leonard Cohen- New Skin for the Old Ceremony
The Smiths- Hatful of Hallow
The Magnetic Fields- 69 Love Songs
Bright Eyes- Lifted or the Story is in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground

What band would play at your ideal wedding?
I’m not sure if I believe in the holy matrimony, but I would have to say, “The Magnetic Fields”.

If you had a kid, what would be the first song you played for it?
“I’m a Little Dinosaur” by Jonathan Richman.

What decade are you most nostalgic for and why?
The 60′s. British Invasion!! Gimme Mods, and Brit Pop. I’m a sucker for shift dresses, Vespas and The Zombies!

What’s your favorite venue?
The “Circle Bar” in New Orleans. It sits on the outer edge of the French Quarter, it’s tiny, tattered and amazing.

What qualities do you possess that would make you an ideal hipster wife?
I’m vegan and I can cook circles around you. I can do track stands with a smile and in a skirt. I’m a kook and will bake you cupcakes, craft you random gifts and make you rad mixed tapes.

What do you look for in a potential hipster husband?
Height, laughter and inspiration. He should be passionate and motivated. Tattoos and cooking abilities, a must! The skinnier the better.

from lookbook.nu

Hi Audrey,

Yuppie Scum

My Dearest Yuppie Scum,

Well, to be totally honest with you, you sound more like an overgrown bro than a yuppie. But, I’ll let this one slide. Anyways, the question isn’t really about you being a yuppie. It’s more about the scum part. A girl can let baggy jeans slip by if he has ahem, other admirable qualities. While most hipster girls tend to go for dudes with unmedicated bipolar disorder, we will occasionally go for the dude who never hesitates to buy us a drink and actually makes reservations. This is rare, but it happens. We are always not always as superficial as we seem. But we are pretty damn shallow.

Dude, the most honest advice I can give to you is to get a pair of skinny jeans. I promise it will help. Get thee to American Apparel. If all else fails, buy a girl a drink at Union Pool. They will probably go home with you.

xoxo,

Audrey JAPburn

Boys (and girls!), if you have any questions you need answered, you know who to ask. The JAP can be reached at audrey [at] hipsterwifehunting [dot] com.