from lookatthisfuckinghipster.com
Dear Audrey,
I consider myself a bro, however I’m oddly attracted to the hipster girl. I very much love being a bro. I love my frat, playing lacrosse, Brooks Brothers, all shitty beers except PBR, duck hunting, The Preakness,and my new investment banking job. Obviously my tastes very much clash with whatever hipsters spend all their time on. But I do admire their cynicism & contrived irreverence, qualities that all the sorority girls I’ve been with have very much lacked.
Despite this obstacle, I’d like to try something different in my dating life; and piss off my mother. I have my eye one particular hipster chick. This girl’s a complete dimepiece and happens to be a hipster. I see her at shows every once and a while. Although she’s sexy as hell, I’ve been reluctant to make a pass on the assumption that my frat game will quickly turn her stomach. Not to sound conceited, but I’ve never really had a hard time with girls. So my question is this: given my short background, what would be the best way to approach this little filly? And second, I pretty sure I could put up with her hipster shenanigans, but can hipster girls put up with preppy ex jocks that love frating out everyone once and a while?
Best regards,
King Bro
Well, King Bro, Your Highness, I must say, it’s an honor to be in touch with such royalty. Does this make me Princess of the Hipsters, or just a Brooklyn ambassador? You can call me Her Flyness for short.
JOKING.
This is kind of easy and hard at the same time, if that makes any sense. In general, it really does depend on the girl, but look: you seem to have your shit together, a general quality that 99.9% of hipster boys are lacking. That’s appealing in and of itself, but when it gets down to it, we just want to bond over Kurt Vonnegut, make out to Sleigh Bells and drink Jameson on the rocks. The only difference between us and your old non-hipster conquests, in the end, is taste. Girls are girls. This one just likes lace-up lariat boots over Uggs, and Nick Drake over Drake.
You’re probably a douchebag, but be a nice one. Keep up with her cultural references, ask some of your hipster friends to make you mixtapes of good music, read the news, don’t wear running shoes with jeans. Avoid talking about your frat too much. Be self-deprecating about it. You guys are both part of hilarious subcultures, embrace it! Appeal to her narcissism and talk about her, buy her a drink, get to know her, blah, blah, blah.
Still, dude, be you. If she’s not going to like you for you, that girl is a gold-digging hoe. You’re only going to piss your mom off when she has to send you to rehab for a broken heart….and maybe a new-found heroin habit. Proceed with caution and my advice, and you should be golden…with a cute hipster wife to boot!
xoxo,
Her Flyness, Miss Audrey JAPburn
P.S. I was half-joking about the Her Flyness part. Feel free to use that.
P.P.S. As much as you want.
Her Flyness will answer your deepest, darkest questions about life, love and the female hipster specimen with a simple e-mail to audrey [at] hipsterwifehunting [dot] com.
